


Breathing 1

by demonshide7



Series: No. X - Titles [7]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band), yunjae - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Male to Male relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 19:26:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8026027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonshide7/pseuds/demonshide7
Summary: Yunho and Jaejoong are forty years old. Yunho reminisces...





	Breathing 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this long time ago!!! Before Jaejoong brought out No X. So it floored me that there was this song called Breathing in it. This was posted in my LiveJournal feed. This is Breathing 1 because I made another called Breathing 2. Different stories altogether, but referencing the same song. Since Jaejoongie came up with NoX and the song "Breathing", I figured I'll post both under NoX titles...

 

_I'm finding my way back to sanity again  
Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there_

Yunho took the hand that lay across from him. 

The forty year old Jaejoong was as cute as the 15 year old Kim Jaejoong. 

40 years of life had left him, Jung Yunho, a little jaded, a little more tired.  His bones has turned brittle and damaged from all that overwork he had done when he was younger.  Dancing may be a passion, but it took a toll on him.  So, composing with one of his closest friend and the only love of his life was more satisfying nowadays.  The movements necessary for singing the genre he liked were minimal. 

Osteoarthritis at 40 was difficult as it were.  They never told you the complications of breaking bones and what not when you’re in your developing years.  His back is messed up, but with Jaejoong insisting on learning Yoga, it’s alleviated.  Herniated disk surgery two years ago relieved some of the pain. 

 

_Take a breath and hold on tight, spin around one more time  
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace_

 

Jaejoong looked at him and and stood up from the dining table they were working on.  He scooted over next to Yunho and gave the man a hug.  Yunho savored the embrace.  This is Yunho’s saving grace, the place that offers him respite from everyday things.

*-*

Jaejoong had defied all prohibitions and preconceived ideas when the news of Yunho’s parents accidental death had circulated.  Despite Changmin’s and Yuchun’s objections, Jaejoong went to the funeral place and stayed beside the then unable to function Yunho and held unto the deeply depressed Jihye. 

“Just breathe, Yunho, just breathe,” Jaejoong had often said when he couldn’t find it in himself to breathe at all.

After his parents’ death, he was a zombie. 

Jihye, on the other hand, was told to stay with Jaejoong if she needed company or if she just needed a different place to be in. 

Yunho followed her without really understanding what was happening. 

Jaejoong cooked him breakfast, lunch and dinner.  He took him for his bath and combed his hair.  For the longest time, Jaejoong took care of him as if he was a baby.  And he never said one word.  He didn’t complain when Yunho finally snapped out of his stupor and started to do activities again.  Even when he didn’t contact Jaejoong again.

Jihye had gotten closer to Jaejoong, a fact that Changmin pointed out to Yunho. 

Yunho exploded. 

Jaejoong took all of his criticisms.  He knew that he didn’t do anything wrong. 

Jihye didn’t speak to Yunho for a long time.  She defied his orders and still met up with Jaejoong. 

Yuchun and Junsu finally pointed out to Yunho that if it wasn’t for Jaejoong, he, Yunho, wouldn’t be alive.  Stupid man that he was! 

Changmin admitted that if it wasn’t for Jaejoong’s and Jihye’s constant care of him, Changmin felt that Yunho might have committed suicide. 

Yuchun told him, “You better think about why the hell you don’t want Jihye and Jaejoong together. Because unless you understand why, every time they appear on a tabloid you’ll only hurt yourself.”

It wasn’t until Jaejoong sung at a concert and it seemed as if he was singing specifically for Yunho that he understood why. 

_'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me_

 

But before Yunho could say or do anything...

An accident occurred and Jaejoong was rushed out to the hospital where the people didn’t know if he was going to make it or not.  Jaejoong’s elderly parents were there. 

Yunho felt Jaejoong’s father patting Yunho on the back and rubbing his back.  In retrospect, he should have been the one doing it.  Jaejoong’s mother and sisters all made sure Yunho ate.  Yunho could do nothing but sob next to Jaejoong. 

His heart hurt to see the man in a comatose state on the hospital bed, too pale, too thin. 

Why?  Why didn’t he notice it?  Why?  He should have made sure the man ate more.  He cannot lose him!  It took all of his will to not lose it. 

Jihye told him to watch Jaejoong’s chest rise and fall with each breath he took.  And if nothing else, Jaejoong will come through just because Yunho ordered him to.  Of course, Jihye extolled all the things that Jaejoong had done for Yunho when people thought he was washed up because of his parents’ death. 

Yunho listened, not having noted it at that time.

  
_'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door_   
_And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah_   
_Where I want to be_

 

Yunho stayed in the hospital for as long as he was allowed.  He stayed by Jaejoong while Jaejoong was unconscious.  He read him stories from the internet.  He read stuff in Japanese, Korean, and English.  He took Jaejoong’s phone and went through the playlist and started singing to the man hoping to have him regain his consciousness. 

It took two weeks.  And when he opened his eyes, Yunho was the first to be able to breath easily. 

 

_I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm  
Trying to identify the voices in my head, God which one's you?_

 

Yunho knew that in South Korea, this was difficult...  But he faced the truth that he loved Kim Jaejoong with all of his heart.  There was just no way he would survive Jaejoong dying. He needed to be reassured that Jaejoong was alive, breathing...

Even though he said nothing about Yunho being next to him as he recuperated, Jaejoong’s inquisitive eyes followed him.  He ate whatever Yunho brought for him.  Even if Changmin said it was disgusting, Jaejoong ate it anyway. 

  
_Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive  
And break these calluses off of me, one more time_

 

“You’re smiling more now, oppa,” Jihye commented to Yunho.  “Perhaps it’s because you’ve finally accepted the fact that you really can’t live without Jaejoong oppa?”

Yunho could only grin at his sister.  Then in a moment of remorse, he asked, “Jihye?  You don’t mind that I’m going to steal him away from you?”

Jihye laughed at Yunho and said, “Oppa, you can’t steal Jaejoong oppa from me. It’s not possible.”

Her words made him frown. 

“Can Jaejoong oppa steal you away from me?” Jihye asked.  “You’ll always be my brother, right?  Jaejoong oppa also promised that he’ll always be my Jaejoong oppa - my brother.”

Yuchun laughed then and said, “You should have tortured him a little more, Jihye.”

Yunho frowned at Yuchun.  He, Yuchun, Changmin and Junsu had gotten their dynamics back to the point where they’re close friends.  Even that was instigated by Jaejoong with Jihye’s help.  

 

_'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me_

 

Jaejoong talked with everyone, but when it’s just him and Yunho alone, Jaejoong doesn’t say a word.  He only watched Yunho as Yunho fussed over Jaejoong. 

When the doctor said that Jaejoong can go home provided that someone was there to watch him and help him out, Yunho was volunteered to do it since he’s got a clear schedule.  Jaejoong had a twisted ankle that needed to heal, plus he had that bump on his head where they had to put stitches. 

 *-*

Yunho knew that he was annoying Jaejoong to no end. 

“Yunho, stop!” Jaejoong said.  “Let me do things for myself, okay?  You really don’t need to be here if you don’t want to be.”

“I want to be here, Jaejoongie,” Yunho insisted as he helped the other in and out of the bathtub. 

“I’ll be fine, Yunho,” Jaejoong said. 

Yunho just chewed through his lip watching as the other balanced himself on crutches as he lowered himself into the hot water of the tub.  He caught the other easily as he almost fell in and almost banged his head again. 

“It would have been easier if you…” Yunho trailed off as Jaejoong glared at him. 

Jaejoong cooked for them, making do with whatever food Yunho picked up from the market or whatever his sisters would bring.

“Yunho, if you need to leave, I’ll be fine,” Jaejoong said, “I’m sure you need to go see to your girlfriend, boyfriend or whoever.  How about work?”

Yunho didn’t say anything.  “I’ll work for you,” Yunho said.  “I’ll write the songs or whatever it is that you’ve thought of.”

That’s how they started composing songs together. 

And Jaejoong started to relax.  There were days when Jaejoong didn’t speak at all, but it seemed like it was all okay.  Yunho could not help but smile.

 

_'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door  
And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah_

 

And at night, Yunho listened to Jaejoong breath.  Sometimes, when the other man was exhausted, Yunho would invade his room and lay beside the man and watch his chest rise and fall.  Just watching Jaejoong breathing and listening to the soft inhale and exhale of breath was enough for Yunho. 

 

 _I don't want a thing from you_  
_Bet you're tired of me waiting for the scraps_  
 _To fall off your table to the ground_  
 _'Cause I just want to be here now_

 

But Jaejoong didn’t want things to stay the way they were.  He worried about Yunho.

“Yunho, I’m well now.  I can run, jump, etc.  You were there when the doctor declared me fit and ready to go bust my head open again,” Jaejoong had argued. 

“But I want to stay with you,” Yunho argued.  “Why can’t a best friend stay?”

“You’re practically living here, Yunho!” Jaejoong said.

“You don’t want me here?” Yunho asked, his heart constricting at the thought.

“It’s not that!” Jaejoong said, clearly frustrated.

Jaejoong sighed.  “What do you want from me, Yunho?”

“Everything you’re willing to give me,” Yunho answered.  “Anything you’re willing to give me.  Crumbs of affection, crumbs of friendship… whatever you want, I’ll take it.”

“Why?” Jaejoong asked.  “Why settle for so little?”

“Because if that’s all you can give me, I’ll take it.  I won’t be greedy like last time,” Yunho said.  “Whatever scrap of affection you want to give me.  Even just allowing me to live with you just as friends, I’ll take it.”

“Don’t you want to get married, Yunho?  Isn’t that your dream?  You won’t be able to do that, staying here with me.  Go out and find your wife.”

“Yes, it’s my dream, but only if you’re the one standing there waiting for me,” Yunho admitted.  “Can’t it be you, Jaejoongie?”

Jaejoong’s lips trembled and tears fell from his expressive eyes.

“It’s difficult enough to let you go the first time, Yunho,” he whispered.  “I don’t know if I can survive a second time.”

Yunho enfolded Jaejoong in his embrace.  “I’ve loved you then.  I love you still.  Even when my pride was wounded and made me stay away for so long, my heart had always called out to you.  Being here, hearing you breath, seeing you live, feeling your warm embrace…. It’s enough for me.”

Jaejoong didn’t say a word. He leaned in and kissed Yunho.

 

 _'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and_  
_Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me_  
 _'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door_  
 _And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah_

 

*-*

Yunho learned about Lifehouse and the song “Breathing”.  He was excited about it.  He wanted to sing it.  He prepared secretly for months.  And when he was ready, he sang it in front of a live TV audience.  He dedicated it to a dear one.

 

 _'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and_  
_Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me_  
 _'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door_  
 _And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah_

_Where I want to be  
Where I want to be_

 

“Your soft voice melted half of South Korea, Yunho-ssi,” the host said.  “But I think you nailed the song.”

“He did,” Jaejoong said.  He was the other host of the show.

“The English was flawless.  Did someone translate this for you, Yunho-ssi?  And the way you sang it… I felt your heart.  It was as if you sang this for someone you really feel so attached to,” an American panelist said. 

“Oh!  Who is it, Yunho-ssi?” the host asked.

He smiled and pointed in the general direction of Kim Jaejoong who blushed, but to the wider audience it seemed as if Jung Yunho pointed at them.  Yunho had pointed at Kim Jaejoong though and his eyes were trained on Jaejoong.  A camera captured his gaze however, and people thought he was looking at the camera which was in front of Kim Jaejoong.   
“I sing this for you.  My fans, my heart is with you,” he said.  However, the public heard, “I sing this for you, my fans.  My heart is with you.”

 

So, Yunho did an encore only for Kim Jaejoong when they were home.  Jaejoong thanked him and sang along with him. 

 

 _'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and_  
_Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me_  
 _'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door_  
 _And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah_

_Where I want to be  
Where I want to be_

 


End file.
